I statements

It's actually bothering me that I've been so sporadic about my posting. Oh well, it's only partially my fault. My Dell bill was late this month and I swear there is a chip in this computer that makes it difficult to be able to do anything until you pay your bill. Strange things happen when I try to log on like, shutting down suddenly, wierd error messages...pay the bill? Smooooth sailing. Technology is a bitch right?

So the update is as follows.....
On the mommy tip, breastfeeding is coming to a close and I must say, it's bittersweet. My having to work outside the home is primarily responsible for this. She was so anti-formula for a while. Then she'd only take it from the sitter or other people which was fine, that's all I really needed her to do. But now, she's pretty comfy with it. I think she's gotten accustomed to that "oh-so-full" feeling now and we only nurse maybe twice a day. I do miss the closeness and it seems she's developing this new found independence! The upside is that, I can have my boobs back but....*Sigh. Other than that, she's getting so big, crawling, sitting up...and I swear she says "Hi" and "Doggie".

Work? I'm over it. The good news is, I found a new job that I'll start in a couple of weeks working as an assistant to an attorney friend of mine. I'm excited about this because it will bring some normalcy to my hours and the baby won't have to be up at 5:30am! I'm sure she'll be happy too.

Artistically? Not to toot my own horn but I've done some really great things lately. ...Created some photographic/mixed media pieces that I'm reeeeaally proud of. I feel really liberated which is good. I'll share the pieces with you later, but for now, suffice it to say that it's affected me in every way. I'm more ready to let go of things I've been holding on to, ready to declare a major re-org on my place and just open it up...get rid of "stuff". It's good. I keep having day dreams about shaving my head...getting a tattoo even! The head shaving day dream always feels so...freeing! That's probably a sign I need to do it but I'm not ready to chop the locs yet although so many days I have mixed feelings about them. Like them, don't like them...like them...don't. Sometimes they just feel burdensome and heavy.

Clothing Design wise? Still feeling good but I'm in one of those phases again...you know...where I just stand there. ...In my own way. I think I spoke about it last time but I'm having a hard time working through this one. I think primarily because creatively my head is so many places. I'm in one of those...overwhelmed with creativity phases which is nice, however the draw back is that it's hard to focus in one area when I need to. I know I'm on the brink of something great. Standing at the turning point. But GotDamnit!!!!

Emotionally? I feel contemplative. Wondering where my life is going. What it's gonna look like in a year. Wondering if I'm living in the moment enough and if not, why and how do I get back there. Those type of things. There is more, I'll continue this post later. The little one is waking.

Hope you're all well!

I'm just different...I guess

I think I'm a bad mom guys. ...No, no, she didn't fall off the bed again. I just haven't gotten my childs picture taken...like, at the photo studio. Is that wrong of me? I've taken thousands of pictures of her at home of course. This woman that's my T.A. has a 26, 24 and a 21 year old child. AND a one year old. Yes, I said a one year old. Anywhoo, that's really not the point. The point is, one day we were talking baby stuff and she's like "Oooh, lemme show you a picture of my lil baaaaby". She pulls out her wallet and has a whole photo album in there of all her kids. They were kinda funny too. The kind where everybody and their momma (but not their momma) is up in the picture so that they don't fit within the scene of the fake background? Those are funny. Not like her family was funny, no...just the background. I digress...

So after looking at all of her pictures, I whip out my camera phone cause that's the only place I have pictures of her to carry with me anyway. She had that too. Like 108 pictures of her son in the phone, literally. I was like, "Wow...am I supposed to be doing that? I'm slacking". I made a comment about not having gone to the photo studio and she got on me about it. You know, like I should be ashamed of myself for not making a b-line to the wal-mart studio which she claims is the cheapest, letting me know I have NO EXCUSE. I'm sorry. Maybe I'm just a photo snob because I've worked as photographer. I'm always just like, "Eh, we can take cute and artistic ones at home!" I dunno....

And while we're at it... you know what else I don't do people? I don't send birthday cards. Hell greeting cards period! ...Okay, that's a lie. But it is a major chore for me to do so, and I really have to make it a point to remember to do it. I just always feel like there's more important and personal ways to acknowledge a persons birthday besides a paper card. My sister makes a big deal about this and she's 37? She has a frequent shoppers card for the Halmark store. Isn't that funny? I think it is. I'd so much rather actually spend time or tell you how important you are to me face to face. But then she does only express mushy or honest POSITIVE feelings IN the cards. Never face to face. We live in the same city and see eachother twice in a month if we're lucky. ...She also gets really uncomfortable about being affectionate. To this day she doesn't put her whole body into a hug. It's very stand-offish. My sister is a therapist. Isn't that even funnier????? Yeah, well. I know I don't love my child any less, or my sister. Maybe I should just honor her way of expression and/or needing to be acknowledged even if I don't agree with it. If the girl needs a card, I'll give her a card.

Thanks for listening to me ramble. This was supposed to be a more focused post. Forgive me.
I hope all is well with you guys!