Aw Poo

Ever notice how goofy my blog titles are? Yeah, they're goofy. Know why? Because I hate them! I hate having to give my blog a title. I'm not that organized to title it before I start. ...I know some of you are saying, "Then why do you? Title it after you written your post dunder head". The answer is, because I can't. I don't think like that. Granted I'm not organized but when it's the first thing I see, I have this thing where I must fill things out in the order in which they are presented. ...Title box is first, gotta fill it out first. ...Enough about that. But from this day forward I'm not title-ing anymore unless I feel compelled to. Otherwise, if I don't wanna, I'm not gonna. How bout that. It 's about what I want right?!

Yeah, it's late. I'm crazy. It's 1:50am to be exact. Why am I up? I was on my was to meet the Sandman at a decent hour and then the phone rang. LIke a dummy I answered it, held a conversation and now? My friend is in dreamland while I am here on the computer like an insomniac trying to come up with new and different ways to get Mr. Sandman to come "pick me up". Anywhoo...

So I spoke with my Dad. Since his diagnosis I'd been doing some research on this wholistic healing website. It's got some amazing information on it. While I was collecting all of this info, I worried that my dad wouldn't be receptive to it. Although he is a full time attorney, he is also a pastor and sometimes religious people get real funny about wholistic healing and spirituality. WHen we spoke he told me he started using his juicer. I was siked! I didn't even know he had one and apparently he didn't either. He was even juicing green vegetables I was impressed! We ended up having a long conversation about herbs, he whipped out his herbal healing book (whoa) and I whipped out my herbal encyclopedia and we compared notes. --Unexpected. He mentioned some tea called essiac tea that is supposed to be good for treating cancer. Where he lives they don't have a whole foods or wild oats. So today I made a point to see if I could find it and sure enough, I did. So I'm sending him that and some flaxseed oil, I think I'll throw in some other herbal stuff too. I sent him a text telling him I found it and would send it. He was excited and asked how much he owed me. I told him nothing, just a positive attitude and an open mind which he already seemed to have. So as far as i was concerned it was paid. I'm so impressed by him already. He actually seems more vibrant than he did pre-diagnosis. That's great.

He was pretty supportive during my pregnancy and once the baby came too. I'm not sure what I was expecting but I wasn't expecting that. Family...you just never know. In the meantime, my sister that's married to the gay-cop has joined weightwatchers, WTF? I would post her picture up here but I guess that wouldn't be right. Plus I don't have any pics of this body that she feels needs to shed a few pounds. If you saw it, you'd think weightwatchers was a bit extreme.

The event I had to vend at this weekend was a BUST. Boo. But shit happends I guess.

That's about it. Sunshine is in love with the word no so much she says it in her sleep. No exaggeration. It's the first thing she says until I call her name as I'm on my way in her room and then it's "NaNa? NaNa?" I've been thinking about having another baby a lot lately. No, there are no prospects. I've kept to myself for quite some time now. I think the BD now gets a kick out of pissing me off. He calls and makes ridiculous requests like, "Why don't you make me some dinner?" Mm hm. ...That's what I said too girl. It's like setting fire to a firecracker and I start running down the list of "Why don't you's MF!" But I've stopped giving him my energy. (..No applause please, no please) Now I just meet him with a very dry, "No". Some people, dont even get me started.

I think that's my update for now. I was hoping at this point I'd be feeling some fatique but uh...nothin yet. Oh wait! I have to tell you guys about the "Moon in My Room"! It was one my Target addiction purchases but it's so cool. National Geographic makes toys now and this moon hangs on the wall, it has a remote control and when you push it, it goes through the moon cycles on its own. How cool is that? In a month or two I'm going to show Sunshine the remote. I think she'll have it figured out by then and she's going to have a blast with it. You know, I basically gave up my room to her until we move into our LARGE THREE BEDROOM HOME WITH A YARD FOR NJ AND A GARDEN (insert law of attraction here). But once we do, you can forget it. That kid is going to have everything in there. I'd be kidding myself if I tried to say otherwise. Next target purchase? The baby leather recliner chair. It's so cute and its only like $50 bucks! I was prepared to spend about $30 for baby living room kinda chair but when I saw that one, I figured I'd hold out another paycheck or two and get the one I really want! (Notice, "I really want")

Here's the picture of "the moon in my room". I couldn't find the chair...

Shame on me...again.

I've been a terrible blogger.

Much has happened and although I never post everyday, I've let many important things go by.

My birthday for one! Another year older, and hopefully wiser.

But more important than mine, Patient-Sunshine celebrated her one year birthday during my blog silence.

For her birthday, she and I went to a little Jazz Concert at this coffee shop. She really liked it. If I've not mentioned it before she loves music as I'm sure most kids do. But reeeeally loves it. So for her to see the person in front of her singing was like "wow!" She tried her best to mimic the vocalist and repeat her song when she'd pause. The audience got a kick out of that and it was quite precious and she really paid attention.

My Dad's been diagnosed with prostate cancer. Although I've known for a while now, I'm still not sure how to feel about it. His spirits are really good and I'm hoping that counts for A LOT! He's scheduled for surgery soon.

Work has been incredibly busy and I'm simply exhausted. I'm up because I'm supposed to be preparing for an event I have on Saturday but as you can see, I'm not. Other than that, I suppose I have no complaints. Things are good and life is moving along. Since I'm so behind, I owe this to my little one. I meant to do it almost a month ago. I found it in my journal written March 28, 2007. One day before my birthday and exactly 8 days before I would be blessed with her presence. She has changed my life in so many ways. After I read this I just felt so.....so....I dunno. This post is also for those of you that were so supportive to me during my time of pregnancy and hormone insanity. You know who you are. Your blog presence and willingness to read my ramblings made all the difference in the world. So here it goes:

For Patient-Sunshine

Dear Patient-Sunshine,

It's almost time!!!

We are in the final days before you make your entrance and we finally meet face to face. Our time together building that womb connection has been interesting, and special. I'm going to miss feeling you inside my belly, wondering what your doing, what you look like, what you are hearing...but I'm sure it won't compare to actually seeing your face and bridging that gap.

I believe the look you gave me in the dream, that "We are going to have so much fun together" look, was accurate. I'm looking forward to all I have to learn from you. The getting tired but being okay with it. Wanting desperately to go to sleep but being so excited to see your face the next morning. Wanting someone to babysit but not wanting to let you out of my sight. You and I have made it through a rough time already. You are already such an inspiration to me.

I just wanted to say that I love you, I'm excited to meet you and that words cannot express how amped I am for this experience although I know it may not always be easy. I hope that I can provide you with all that you need. Already I am honored that you selected me to be your mother.

With the utmost love, anticipation and respect,

Your Mommy

"Sunshine Momma"